Quantum String Dog Training – Using Universal Fundamentals to Improve Relationships

We are each a localised field of energy and information with cybernetic feedback loops interacting within a non-local field of energy and information.” – Deepak Chopra

Deepak-Quantum-Mechanics

Mr. Deity just posted this video featuring himself and Michael Shermer. The video pokes fun and explores some of the techniques gurus use to attract a following

Chopra is the undisputed master of mysticism and he has perfected his language; a distasteful bouillabaisse of new age woo-woo and scientific jargon. The introductory quote is supposed to sound meaningful and insightful but in fact meaningless. In it, he tries to marry our common experience of consciousness with programming logic and quantum physics. He doesn’t know anything about any of those but if you say it with confidence people will assume you know the subject.

It occurs to me that new age gurus and dog gurus have a lot in common.

“Consciousness is energy, its interface with nature is emotion, and like energy consciousness as emotion moves as a wave. “ – Kevin Behan in ‘Consciousness is Energy’

“Consciousness is energy”, it sounds like some deep revelation until you realize he simply slapped the label of energy on consciousness – and you still don’t know what it is. Besides if he claims “Consciousness is energy,” then why is he saying “and like energy” when he just claimed it IS that thing?

Energy is defined as the ability to do work. That’s it. Work equals force X displacement. So how does saying “energy” help?

Cesar Millan is another kind of guru. Millan lacks the skills for flowery Chopra-esque proclamations and sticks to well rehearsed phrases like “energy/body language”. Millan is like Behan in one respect; both claim to know things they couldn’t possibly know. Like knowing about energies and invisible limitations.

“They set invisible limitations for one another all the time by using energy and body language.”  – Millan in How to Raise the Perfect Dog

How he came to this knowledge? Gurus never tell – or at least they never provide technical details.

Between Behan and Millan we find Dale McCluskey. This Florida trainer who has also discovered the secrets of dogs. Though as we’d expect, his amazing discovery is different from the gurus mentioned. McCluskey poses a strange case; he is not smart enough to produce empty jargon like Behan but is too dumb to realize it. McCluskey calls his invention The Relational Dog Training Model but like Natural Dog Training he can never clearly describe what it is.

“One of the big issues this guide lifts the curtain on is what I define as the physical response and relational disconnect which is all too common with systems that elevate an ideology rather than focusing on the unique relational beings that dogs really are.” – Dale McCluskey in ‘The Relational Dog Training Model’

Most of  his video post are psychotic stream-of-consciousness rants about “trash science” and the conspiratorial “agendas” of the scientific community.

While Behan claims that his genius goes unrecognized because scientists just aren’t smart enough – actually thinking too much – to get what he is saying, McCluskey sees darker motives, a world-wide conspiracy that includes all scientists and dog trainers.

Now that I’ve exposed these frauds the only thing left is to introduce you to the one and only dog training method you will ever need. And since I’ve learned about self-gurufication from Shermer & Mr. Deity, I will apply those lessons.

Sound “sciency” & Mix and match terms from multiple disciplines.

In the next blog I will introduce Quantum String Dog Training®.

In it I  will teach you to incorporate higher-order dimensions and non-linear space-time to produce self-emergent infinite Julia patterns so you can individuate your logic-loops into a deeper and eternal psycho-social connection. Quantum superpositioning yourself as the pack-leader is compared to the use of dominance to achieve the alpha position. The goal and benefits of inhabiting the same quantum fields through Rindler space will be explored and contrasted to macro-scale focused ideologies. We also learn how to enhance emotional interconnectivity by avoiding entanglement entropy. At more advance levels we implement random pack walks and Bayesian approach to formulate a phylogeny of inter-specific and intra-specific semiotics.

This may all sound daunting and they idea of scrapping all you know is surely intimidating. At first you will feel confused as you struggle with these easy yet novel concepts. I urge you to persevere and achieve the infinite rewards that await.

If you don’t get it at first just remember:

To learn my teachings, I must first teach you how to learn.” – The Sphinx in Mystery Men

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16 thoughts on “Quantum String Dog Training – Using Universal Fundamentals to Improve Relationships

  1. You could made this a serious Quantum String Dog Training manifesto and I bet you anything people would be jumping on the bandwagon. If you put energy or quantum people buy it.

  2. Pingback: Why Train a Dog?

  3. Seriously, as a breeder and trainner I don’t buy all these nonsence. If I want to train my child I don’t need a book of science to explain what I mean. What I will do is give a command and simply demonstrate it. Why do we like to confuse ourselves with science.

  4. I read “Cesar’s Way” a few years ago, and I am no ditto-head of his, but I never got the impression Cesar Milan used the term “energy” in a mystical sense. He talks about a person’s energy more in the sense of what personality/demeanor/mood you project with your body language and state of mind. There is nothing mystical about standing with confidence and being firm. When people like him speak of “the energy you project”, they are rarely talking about some kind of aura or force field. They mean the way you act and behave, and the emotional/mental state that it broadcasts to observers.

    As for the “invisible limitations” bit, again, he is talking about how a dog will signal with body language and physical behavior that you are too close, etc. It’s not magic; there are detectable physical cues that most of us miss, but dogs intuitively know how to read. Learning this “invisible” language is mostly a matter of observation. Surely you know this. Don’t take everything so literally.

    Psychology != Mysticism

  5. Another meaningless gem from Kevin Behan

    “This means that she reflected the shepherd’s emotional charge back at him, and this resistance is what triggered the dog’s physical memories of flow, i.e. its puppy mind. Then through a process of elaboration wherein both individuals generate traits on demand (active/reactive/direct/indirect) and which transpires through the core code universal to all emotional beings, so that they in sync project emotion, absorb emotion, and then project it back in a more refined state, heart EVOLVED into existence.”

  6. Guru,
    If there is a wrinkle in the space-time continuum, will my dog achieve perfect recall, simply because he never left in the first place?

  7. Hilarious, reeks as bad as most education jargon. Can’t tell whether I’m laughing or crying, because generations of dogs — as with kids — get hurt with some of this baloney.

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